Movie Review: Cop Out w. Bruce Willis

What happened to you Bruce Willis? You used to be so cool. I remember you in Pulp Fiction, where you killed a man with your flying fists of fury, then took on Marcel Wallace. Who by the way, is not a bitch. Then you put on one of the greatest actions thrillers of all times. Die Hard: With a Vengence.

Whoever did the casting for that movie knew what they were doing. Why not have Bruce Willis be a cop, playing alongside notorious bad ass mutha Samuel L. Jackson? It's another black/white cop movie, but with two huge superstars and outrageous personalities. Amazing.

Sadly, Bruce Willis has fallen far. My theory is that he became good friends with Samuel L. As Sammy decided his acting was worth as far as a script (Snakes on a Plane) could be thrown, so too did Bruce Willis.

In 'Cop Out', Bruce cops out and recreates another black/white cop movie. His sidekick? Tracy Morgan. From SNL.


Atleast we now have John Travolta blowing stuff up with all his baldness.

-Charles

Cool Jew: Heebsters and Hip Books

(Left: Lisa Klug, obviously unhip)

From the articles I've read about 'Cool Jew' by Lisa Klug, it is a very hip book. I can't say I've read it yet, but it will go on my reading list, if not just purely for entertainment value. Although they definitely could should have hired a graphic designer to do it right. Maybe a certain soon to be Uarts graphic design graduate called 'my brother'. Just sayin'.

While reading a review about this book, I came across the word "heebster". It's trying to be cute by combining Hebrew and Hipster. Why not 'Hipbrew'? Sounds alot like 'hip-bro'. I'm definitely one of those.

I'm not sure if I can adopt this word as my own. It sounds just a tad too nerdy for my taste. Reminds me of the Jewish geek from Freaks and Geeks. Unless 'heebster' is a Jew who religiously reads Heeb magazine. Then I'm all for it...that's just essential hip.

I think I'll just stick with Hipster-Jew. It's got a dash, and last time I checked, dashes were the new hipsters. Score bro!

-Charles

P.S. Stay tuned, a real semi-legitimate website will be up soon, and I'll be adding another Hipster-Jew writer to the mix!

Saturday Morning Cartoons, I miss the 90s

Growing up quite Jewish, my Saturday mornings were spent in Temple. 2 to 3 hours of mumbling, singing, and nice clothes, culminating with a small snack (Kiddush) every week. Pretty good life, huh?

On top of this, my parents didn't believe in cable. How could you believe in God but not in cable? I guess God was cheaper. Either way, I missed out on a huge social experience of my young, yet-to-be-shaped mind.

There is hope! I went the first 7 months of this school year without cable. It saved me money. It made me focus on school and life. I got out of the house. But alas, I eventually relented. However there's no guilt on my mind, a rarity.

It seems that some marketing geniuses have taken over ABC Kids. Saturday mornings, from 12-1, the original Power Ranger Series plays. Who wakes at 12 noon on a Saturday, too hungover to do anything besides watch mediocre early 1990s cartoons? 20-something year olds who grew up wanting to be Zach but not wanting to BE Zach (Thanks Dave Chappelle). And who wanted to do Kimberly.

If Kimberly was a president she'd be Babe-Raham Lincoln. Keep up the good mediocrity, ABC.

-Charles

6 Year Old Pen Pal Revisited: A Book Report

I finally picked up 'Tonight on the Titanic' by Mary Pope Osborne, in the Magic Tree House series book #17. I immediately wondered how much a book of this caliber, all 72 pages of 18 font, could cost at one's local children's bookstore. Sadly, this book is only distributed in some fantastic grade-school black market. Maybe the book just wasn't good enough to be sold in bookstores. It certainly wasn't too good.

I read the book in 40 minutes, but I didn't feel good about myself. I wondered if I should be getting my foot into this literary black market scam. Writing for adults can be hard, arduous, and full of long multi-syllabic words. This book finished with a cliff hanger guaranteeing atleast three (3) more books! Bigger cliffhanger than any episode of Weeds.

I've done much bigger bullshitting before, so this letter will be easy enough. However Scholastic, shame on you. What happened to good children's books?

-Charles

Synposis of Tegan and Sara concert

Burlington, VT is known for its large lesbian community. I don't know why specifically lesbians. I'm not sure where or how big the homosexual community is. But the point is that at this concert there were more lesbian couples than the entire state of Vermont.

Maybe I exaggerate, but I do honestly believe the above claim. Why not? Tegan and Sara, sisters who both happen to be lesbians, very much have the support of the lesbian community. If all those Jews, even some of the more religious ones, can come out on a weekday night to see Matisyahu do his schtick, it certainly makes sense.

I can't remember if I've ever been surrounded by that many lesbians, hipsters, and hipster lesbians. It gave me an odd sense of kindred for a few brief moments. Then I realized they were mostly Canadiens. While I flexed my Canadien rights to throw back a couple of tasty beverages, it certainly didn't make up for the fact I was in the heart of French Quebecois.

All in all it was a good show. It was the first time I was in theater-style seating for a large indie act. This made me feel dainty and European, because real Americans rock out at their concerts. This also made me a little upset, because I couldn't rock out while standing up and drinking a beer. Why must I always be forced to choose?

I am proud to be an Amerrrican. Even if Montreal brings in better musicians, Canada remains to prove they don't suck a big one. Eh?

-Charles

Tegan and Sara: A very hip thing for me to do

So tonight on a last minute whim I'll be driving nearly 2 hours to Montreal to see Tegan & Sara. As hip as people and myself believe I am, I haven't listened to too much of their music. Which has it's benefits: none of their songs are stale. And when this happens I usually get more interested in the said musician afterwords. I also like helping friends whose plans get stiffed, in this particular case by a woman.

My friend made the claim that this couldn't be much more of a man date. 2 dudes going to a hip/indie-semi-lesbian concert. The Alanis Morissette of our time, but less angry and cliche.

I'm also attempting to escape my mixed feelings of returning to school, classes, and many responsibilities. Snowy, calm Burlington was relaxing when the city and campus were emptied of loud, rambunctious UVMers.

Hopefully I'll have an interesting story tonight (if?) when I return.
(Below: What it would look like if Ted and I were Tegan and Sara getting a publicity photo taken in Brooklyn.)

-Charles

Be a Lazy Douche and Change the World

Haiti is in trouble. There is no doubt about it in anyone's mind, even Rush Limbaugh's. There are many people who are donating in conventional ways, and many in modern ways. This god damn economy wont keep charitable people away. Some are texting to a number and pay for a donation on their phone bill.

I totally understand. People are inherently lazy - it happens to the best of us (See: Any Nick Cage movie). And this just makes it easier to give to charity. I'm all for it.

What I don't understand is why our generation is lazy to the point of being irresponsibly so. How many facebook pages have you seen saying "For every (number of people) I will donate (a certain sum of money). 

Are we so lazy that we'll just join these groups and shift the blame to someone else? If they happened to be lying about donating money it is all their fault. We did our job. What happened to a guilty conscience to keep us in check? And then you wonder why young people are getting tattoos, like that Jewish girl Sarah Silverman. She used to be such a nice girl.

If you care about helping Haitians, don't put up some two-bit facebook status. Get off your ass, get on your phone, and text to the charity of your choice. Or borrow a friend's phone and let them in for a surprise. It's still charity even if it's not your money.  And it's convenient.

-Charles